I feel I’ve taken a step back with my Anxiety lately, or 1 step forward 10 steps back! If you’ve read my Mental health awareness post (I’ll link it at the bottom) you’ll know I do have a bit of a history with anxiety and panic attacks and was diagnosed with G.A.D (Generalised Anxiety Disordor) in my late teens. It does fluctuate, highs, lows, ups and downs, good days and bad days, sometimes I can go months without it affecting me and then bam!! It hits me right in the face and once again becomes a daily struggle!
Thats nothing new and I have accepted it but I still feel so darn disappointed in myself when It gets the better of me.
Over the past month a few issues have sent my stress levels through the roof and that ultimately ends up with me being an anxious mess, on edge and irritable. Stress is a trigger for my anxiety and my worrying about the anxiety brings on stress! It’s what’s known as a vicious circle but long story short I’ve let things get on top of me and been struggling more than I’d like to admit. I’ve started to retreat back into that restrictive comfort zone that, although feels the safest place really it enables my anxiety to isolate me and even though I know this it’s still so difficult to push myself out of it! Since becoming a mummy I do feel I’ve gained more control over the anxiety and panic attacks, having a beautiful little girl that needs me to be ok is my motivation, I want to be ok for her and my family but I just feel I’m losing my way a bit.
We had a such a lovely time away in beautiful Cornwall recently, I definitely felt it was a much needed break away and family time, although there was a couple of occasions I felt a little panicky overall for the majority of the time I felt relaxed and had a really good time. Since we’ve been back it’s resurfaced. Anyone ever experienced or have health anxiety? That’s how my struggles began all those years ago and seems to be the focus now! I fixate on the smallest of things, worry and build them up to be the absolute worst. It’s tough!
I do feel more comfortable speaking about my anxiety, it’s a work in progress but its definitely getting easier. I’ve always found a lot of support and comfort from online communities and found that discovering I was not alone in this was a massive turnaround in my recovery from the darkest times.
With that in mind I’ve decided to start up the Anxiety Diaries on my blog, updating with how things are going, I’m thinking a monthly thing but I’ll see how it goes and just staying open about what having anxiety is like, sharing the ups as well as the downs and hopefully connecting with others that may be experiencing or have experienced similar things.
Writing has always been something I’ve loved to do from a very young age and as well as it being something I enjoy it also really helps me during those harder times, I find it quite therapeutic, like a release I suppose.
If you haven’t already and would like to read my Mental Health awareness post Here’s the link…
In that post you’ll also find some info and a link to the wonderful Heads Together Campaign which really inspired and helped me gain the confidence to open up about my experiences.
I’m also going to be setting myself some goals for July, things that I’ve been avoiding due to the higher anxiety, goals that will help me get back on track, things that I enjoy and know I’ll feel good about getting done! I’ll share those on the blog within the next couple of days. As always thank you for reading, I’m so very grateful for all the love and support, it really does mean so much.
My little Brushneen Blog.